BAE Chronicles 101: Finding “BOB”…
So yesterday was a great day and a disaster all in one…
Every girl has her favorite toy! The one that keeps her happy and sane, travels with her and makes up for the lack of “entertainment” in her life! Imagine knowing the time, place and location, but still not being able to locate that special travel companion! Well thats where we will begin, as I try to FIND “BOB”!
When I packed my bag for my trip, I was all set. Agenda, Clothes ✔, wallet ✔, business cards ✔, and the most important my favorite vibrator aka “BOB” ✔✔✔! So, we (me and BOB) arrive in one piece and spend the next 24hrs, of rest and fun together as needed. Later on day 2 of my trip, I make the necessary decision to change rooms and…
As luck would have it, I forgot him behind! I can’t believe I forgot BOB in the bed, next to the pillow, under the covers, where he sleeps next to me while I am away! In a frantic frenzy, I call housekeeping!
Housekeeping: Good Afternoon Ms. Bae, how can I help you?
Bae: So, ummm I changed my room and I forgot something very important. I was in room 30300, and now I’m in 31620… It was only left behind just 3 hrs ago, by mistake of course! I need help getting it back. “I then mutter embarrassingly…” I could tell you exactly what it is, if you need….
Housekeeping: Ok, Ms. Bae, let me check our records. Give me a moment.
……… 60 seconds of painful silence pass… and.
Housekeeping: Yes, mam, some items were recovered from the room, and sent down to security
Bae: * A sigh of relief briefly washes over me as a I blurt out*… He was found! Yes, thanks I’ll hold.
Security “Lost & Found”: Good Afternoon Ms. Bae, how can I help you. What exactly did you lose?
Bae: “With a bit more urgency and desperation in my voice”… Hello, sir, I moved rooms just a few hours ago and I left ummmm… something in the room. Im traveling and it’s a bit important, so I kinda need to find it ASAP.
Security: Sure mam, let me check our records…. Another 90 seconds of dreadful silence…. Can you describe it?
Bae: HMMMMM… OK. It’s a pink and white vibrator with a heart shaped head sir. Has 2 buttons, 6-settings, 3-speeds… Was it found?
Security: … AWAKWARD PAUSE. Ummm I don’t see it in the log, but I can have someone go check the room again. Give me about 15 minutes and I will call you back.
Bae: “Franticly” Yes, please, it was left, under the covers, by the pillow, mixed in the sheets and blanket. In my rush to move rooms I completely forgot it behind. Please let me know if you are able to find it. I’ll be here in the room awaiting your call!
A FULL 30 minutes pass.. I ransack my bags, and turn over everything I own in search of “BOB”! Where the hell could he be hiding???!!! …. PHONE RINGS… My heart sinks!
Security: Hello Ms. Bae, I personally went down and checked the room, I also called housekeeping and…. We didn’t find it.
HEART BROKEN & SINKS! I frantically question…
Bae: Was the room cleaned? Were the old sheets checked? You sure it wasn’t wrapped up in there, or fallen behind the bed? You absolutely sure sir!
Security: Yes mam, we check and double checked everything. Im sorry I could not find him.
Bae: “Disappointed and washed with sudden saddness… I mutter and hang up” Ok, I understand. Thank you!
Then the thought washes over my brain… “DID (Mila, Maria, Lisa, Becky, Liah, Rachel) or whoever the hell cleaned my room STEAL BOB! NOOOOOOOO…” He was a 6-setting, 3-speed, pink and white, heart shaped journey into paradise for me over the last 5 years. I guess our time together has passed… SIGH. I guess its finally time for me to let “BOB” go… I’m sad, but I will survive. * Picks up purse, wallet, room keys and heads to the Vegas Strip to replace him immediately. *
REST IN PARADISE “BOB”!
~ Yours Truly,
August, 29 2017